The walls had been repainted. The soccer field was smaller. The desks were blue, not grey.  And everything was clean.

A whole new section of the school had been added since I had last left, a long time ago. My guide, a young woman my age, told me that mainly new computer labs and new classrooms were in the new building. She didn’t say anything about how empty it seemed, never mind that students and teachers were bustling around everywhere. I didn’t recognize anybody, and nobody recognized me.

A long time ago I had been the shortest kid in school and everyone teased me. They bullied me. But when I saw the wall that everyone used to climb, I knew I could climb it now. I jumped up and reached the top in a single bound. That didn’t feel right, and neither did the fact that only my guide was watching. I got back down.

I returned to my old classroom for the first time in years. Here at least, there was something; if I stood at the back of the classroom, the teacher’s droning became Mr. Chow’s voice and the students’ mindless noise turned as familiar as my pocket. I thought of an old friend, and when I woke up I almost saw her, but I looked again and nobody was there except for my guide. She said that everyone had gone home already.

I had to go soon. I went back up the empty, echoing stairs, and almost without looking arrived at a high balcony I knew very well. I felt uncomfortable and wanted to get back to work, but something made me stay.

I had grabbed the boy… here.

He grabbed me first. But it didn’t matter, I was angry and forced him to the side. I tried to push him over. Did he go over the edge? Did I? I thought, my heart thumping.

My guide spoke suddenly. “You know, years ago, in my graduating year, there was a big fight here. One senior student almost threw someone over the railing, but stopped in time. I was there actually, watching from the third floor. The senior student left the school after that.”

Her eyes twinkled as if she knew something and I looked at her.

“You were a student here?”

“Oh, yes. Came out with good results, and –”

“He got expelled,” I said.

“What?”

“He got kicked out for nearly killing another student. And I know how he stopped himself.” I watched her surprised face closely. It wasn’t her, after all. “A friend stopped him.” I missed her, and felt sad.

The guide went quiet. So did I.

I went over the edge, and there was no turning back. Not even now.

My handphone rang. I pressed a button, silencing it.

It was time to go.

I leaned out over the railing, watching the sun set: indigo and amber on the repainted walls, on my friend’s face.

I turned to her. “It’s time to go.”